As The Moments Pass

I was laying in my bed last night.Thoughts whirling. I made a note to myself to write today. I do faithfully keep my journal entries but I have not sit and actually blogged since April of this year.

So here goes.

I have come to realize that each and every one of us are going through something. We may not mention it so much but it is ever present. Sometimes persons we love and care for so much do not seem to realize the extent their pain rubs off on us.

We hurt with them, and wish we could make everything OK for them.

I also realize we are essentially on our own so too speak.

Any negative’s we release to the universe comes back in another form or fashion. It is better to let it out and than let it go. No need for re story telling or the constant guilt trip so many of us put ourselves through.

No one is pure light and fancy. We all possess a darkness.

I suppose wisdom comes from years of experiences, being in a place of helplessness at times. Yet again…

being a part of time and spaces where we are truly comprehending enlightenment, peace and tranquility.

In my present moments I am bewildered by persons in my past that seemingly come out of the woodwork. They want me back, they want what they so carelessly tossed aside.

I am not in their space. I care, but not the way they would like me too care.

After 20-25 years past seems rather redundant to say the least.

I have never been an overly materialistic  person. I do find the ways to acquire what I need. My animals are all well cared for. I help others when I can and I sleep well at night.

I try to listen and observe more.

I make an effort not to make promises I can not keep.

Some one said something to me the other day. It meant a lot too me.

I really enjoy reading your writing. It reminds me of another time, a different season.

So perfect is her prose, so meaningful her content.

Reading her words is a reflection of my thoughts at many given times.

She pens wisdom and feeling, indeed.

my response:

Such a beautiful thing to be able to express one’s self in writing and prose. I do so appreciate that you appreciate 🙂

I am going to bed with these sweet words on my mind as I lay sleeping into my dreams.

Random thoughts last night before sleeping:

When I was growing up country style. We had wells. Some actually had steps and you could step down into the dark, mossy dampness. Creeper crawlies were in full swing. Huge spiders and other slithering things. I always felt so intrigued.

The way I felt so whole, no fear when I went down those steps into the darkness.


OH and My Dreams:

Whoa, stop with these crazy ass dreams.
First I was being attacked by invisible entities, I woke with shallow breathing. Scared.

Second walking with unknown man in unknown territory.

Third  scheduled to work the graveyard shift but no notification.
I was in the process of moving when I went to JOB and Billy said so you’re 66. I said no and she said Yep.
No show, no call and you are 66.
I explained that I was moving, things were scattered, trying to find shift uniform. Trying to find shoes that fit little boy I was babysitting for extra funds.
My car would not start, my moped battery was dead.

I am tired.
Maybe coffee will fix me.

Nine (Sleeping at Last) is here:

Here is the MIX


Who am I
To say what any of this means-
I have been sleepwalking
Since I was fourteen

Now as I write my song
I retrace my steps
Honestly, it’s easier
To let myself forget

Still, I check my vital signs
Choked up, I realize
I’ve been less than half myself
For more than half my life

Wake up
Fall in love again
Wage war on gravity
There’s so much
Worth fighting for
You’ll see

Another domino falls
Either way

It looks like empathy
To understand all sides
But I’m just trying to find myself
Through someone else’s eyes

So show me what to do
To restart this heart of mine
How do I forgive myself
For losing so much time?

Wake up
Roll up your sleeves
There’s a chain reaction
In your heart
Muscle memory
Remembering who you are

Stand up
Fall in love again and again and again
Wage war on gravity
There’s so much
Worth fighting for
You’ll see

Another domino falls
And another domino falls

A little at a time
I feel more alive
I let the scale tip and feel all of it
It’s uncomfortable but right

We were born to try
To see each other through
To know and love ourselves and others well
Is the most difficult and meaningful
Work we’ll ever do

In closing to all my faithful followers

Stay True to You in All Waysscorpion_frog_move







The Necklace


Two part creative writing. The conclusion can be found here

Lola Luna had mysteriously disappeared. Weeks later her decomposed body was found at the docks in an old  boat that was no longer serviced.

She was like a sister too me. We had went to the Oceanside resort at Ocean City, Maryland for the summer. We both were employed at The Crab Shack.

The case had been a dead-end so too speak and was filed in the Cold Case System along with so many other unsolved crimes.

It was a small community, someone knew what happened to Lola.

I went into my investigation mode.

Several months had passed. Her parents had retrieved her body for burial in the family plot in Northern Maryland. I was back home, finishing up college courses during the cold winter months. Summer had faded and fall leaves fell from the soon to be barren trees. I was distraught, no conclusions or closures for Lola’s demise.

The night she disappeared I was tired from my long week shift. She wanted to party with a new crowd she had met. I told her to be careful and to have fun. I put a beautiful one of a kind necklace around her neck. I had designed it for her upcoming birthday later in the month. I had the other half that connected with it. I told her it would give her good fortune.

I personalized it by having the infinity sign engraved on the back of it

I was content with caring for my animals that had come along with me. Hempy the Hamster was on the old turntable spinning round and round as the tunes from my IPOD played in the background. He was a perfect cuddly ball of fur. As I watched him spin,  my mind started thinking how Lola seemed too always be going in circles. This reminded me that she was still in limbo. Not settled. Those responsible had literally gotten away with murder.

Where did they go, were they filled with guilt and fear of retribution by the law and her loved ones?

I have often wondered why she was not taken out to sea, no body would have ever been found. It was as if they wanted her too be found as she was; laying lifeless and decomposed in the boat.

Were those responsible sending a message ?

Her picture remains at The Crab Shack asking for any information surrounding the events on the night she disappeared.

Fast forward 10 years.

I am married and my husband and two toddlers are spending a summer vacation in Atlantic City, Maryland. We brought along our babysitter so we could enjoy the night life that had expanded to include a casino on the boardwalk. The Diving horse was no longer featured. It truly was a willful abuse of animals. Our children settled for the history and story telling of by gone days on the boardwalk.

Diving Horses

A movie was made of the true story about the diving horse.

Wild Hearts Can’t Be Broken

My husband was involved in Real Estate at the time and was involved with several wealthy entrepreneurs. We socialized and were invited to a beautiful home on the outskirts of the city. As I was using the guest bathroom I noticed THE Necklace. It was sitting in a jeweled dish. I almost fainted seeing it. I really didn’t know what to do, so I found my husband and told him.
I had taken the necklace. His jaw fell open as he mouthed “The Necklace” and I nodded “Yes, The Necklace”
Word quickly spread that there was a missing necklace from the main guest bathroom.

Now we had to find the person that was missing it.
To Be Continued Here

This is a creative non fictional writing.
© Cynthia m ART z 2014