As The Moments Pass

I was laying in my bed last night.Thoughts whirling. I made a note to myself to write today. I do faithfully keep my journal entries but I have not sit and actually blogged since April of this year.

So here goes.

I have come to realize that each and every one of us are going through something. We may not mention it so much but it is ever present. Sometimes persons we love and care for so much do not seem to realize the extent their pain rubs off on us.

We hurt with them, and wish we could make everything OK for them.

I also realize we are essentially on our own so too speak.

Any negative’s we release to the universe comes back in another form or fashion. It is better to let it out and than let it go. No need for re story telling or the constant guilt trip so many of us put ourselves through.

No one is pure light and fancy. We all possess a darkness.

I suppose wisdom comes from years of experiences, being in a place of helplessness at times. Yet again…

being a part of time and spaces where we are truly comprehending enlightenment, peace and tranquility.

In my present moments I am bewildered by persons in my past that seemingly come out of the woodwork. They want me back, they want what they so carelessly tossed aside.

I am not in their space. I care, but not the way they would like me too care.

After 20-25 years past seems rather redundant to say the least.

I have never been an overly materialistic  person. I do find the ways to acquire what I need. My animals are all well cared for. I help others when I can and I sleep well at night.

I try to listen and observe more.

I make an effort not to make promises I can not keep.

Some one said something to me the other day. It meant a lot too me.

I really enjoy reading your writing. It reminds me of another time, a different season.

So perfect is her prose, so meaningful her content.

Reading her words is a reflection of my thoughts at many given times.

She pens wisdom and feeling, indeed.

my response:

Such a beautiful thing to be able to express one’s self in writing and prose. I do so appreciate that you appreciate 🙂

I am going to bed with these sweet words on my mind as I lay sleeping into my dreams.

Random thoughts last night before sleeping:

When I was growing up country style. We had wells. Some actually had steps and you could step down into the dark, mossy dampness. Creeper crawlies were in full swing. Huge spiders and other slithering things. I always felt so intrigued.

The way I felt so whole, no fear when I went down those steps into the darkness.

 

OH and My Dreams:

Whoa, stop with these crazy ass dreams.
First I was being attacked by invisible entities, I woke with shallow breathing. Scared.

Second walking with unknown man in unknown territory.

Third  scheduled to work the graveyard shift but no notification.
I was in the process of moving when I went to JOB and Billy said so you’re 66. I said no and she said Yep.
No show, no call and you are 66.
I explained that I was moving, things were scattered, trying to find shift uniform. Trying to find shoes that fit little boy I was babysitting for extra funds.
My car would not start, my moped battery was dead.

I am tired.
Maybe coffee will fix me.

Nine (Sleeping at Last) is here:

Here is the MIX

“Nine”

Who am I
To say what any of this means-
I have been sleepwalking
Since I was fourteen

Now as I write my song
I retrace my steps
Honestly, it’s easier
To let myself forget

Still, I check my vital signs
Choked up, I realize
I’ve been less than half myself
For more than half my life

Wake up
Fall in love again
Wage war on gravity
There’s so much
Worth fighting for
You’ll see

Another domino falls
Either way

It looks like empathy
To understand all sides
But I’m just trying to find myself
Through someone else’s eyes

So show me what to do
To restart this heart of mine
How do I forgive myself
For losing so much time?

Wake up
Roll up your sleeves
There’s a chain reaction
In your heart
Muscle memory
Remembering who you are

Stand up
Fall in love again and again and again
Wage war on gravity
There’s so much
Worth fighting for
You’ll see

Another domino falls
And another domino falls

A little at a time
I feel more alive
I let the scale tip and feel all of it
It’s uncomfortable but right

We were born to try
To see each other through
To know and love ourselves and others well
Is the most difficult and meaningful
Work we’ll ever do

In closing to all my faithful followers

Stay True to You in All Waysscorpion_frog_move

 

 

 

 

 

 

Just Loving The Feeling~Moby

We spend our days together
Hiding far from everything

Moby – JLTF Lyrics

We heard the rain on the window
Like a simple waste of time
We heard the sirens’ wailing
Like the world has lost its mind

We spend our days together
Hiding far with everything
Oh, we knew it was over
When the summer turned to spring

And all the words we said
All the time we spent
Does it mean nothing?
Does it mean nothing?

All the words we said
All the time we spent
Does it mean nothing?
Does it mean nothing?

We heard the rain on the window
Like a simple waste of time
We heard the sirens’ wailing
I knew they’d comfort you

We spend our days in heaven
Dying far with everything
Oh, we knew it was over
When the needle didn’t sting

And all the words we said
All the time we spent
Does it mean nothing?
Does it mean nothing?

All the words we said
All the time we spent
Does it mean nothing?
Does it mean something?

raining_windowgif

Cause and Effect

Fairy_N_tree-IsItTrue

Photography by Cynthia

(Click to Enlarge)

October is over and November is upon us. I love this time of the year living in an environment where seasons never change. Not complaining in the least.

I know winter, the fall of leaves, the smoldering heat of summer.

I feel blessed to have my health and true blue friends I can trust and interact with.

Over the years I have found that our lives are directly related to how we live them.  When we do not except any responsibilities for our actions; that in turn have caused another’s reaction, we must deal with ANY consequences good and bad.

Many times our lives spiral and we end up questioning why we have such regular and consistent misfortune.

There is always going to be the scenario of he said, she said ,they said but shouldn’t we be conscious of our thoughts and deeds and how they effect others lives.

When a person feels they have been wronged and their belief systems encourage that if so and so had not did so and so; or said this or that everything would be peaches and crème.

Always looking through the pink tinted lens deceived of the reality we live in.

I always feel it is best to air out our grievances in a kind way. Not too say anything is also detrimental as it makes one feel like they are a doormat.

Things are the way they are. If we are positive than that is what shows up, if we are negative that too rears it’s ugly and unforgiving head.

Some persons are constantly putting the blame on the other. They iterate  too anyone they meet or know that will listen to their story of being mistreated.

Not accepting or taking the responsibility for actions that may in fact indirectly have instigated said issues.

As they say every action begets a reaction.

Making another person look bad in someone’s eyes to bolster your own insecurities will never bring a peaceful life too you.

I always loved this:

“Is It True? Is It Necessary? Is It Kind?

Oh! Stay, dear child, one moment stay,

Before a word you speak,

That can do harm in any way

To the poor, or to the weak;

And never say of any one

What you’d not have said of you,

Ere you ask yourself the question,

“Is the accusation true?”

And if ’tis true, for I suppose

You would not tell a lie;

Before the failings you expose

Of friend or enemy:

Yet even then be careful, very;

Pause and your words well weigh,

And ask is it necessary,

What you’re about to say.

And should it necessary be,

At least you deem it so,

Yet speak not unadvisedly

Of friend or even foe,

Till in your secret soul you seek

For some excuse to find;

And ere the thoughtless word you speak,

Ask yourself, “Is it kind?”

When you have asked these questions three—

True,—Necessary,—Kind,—

Asked them in all sincerity,

I think that you will find,

It is not hardship to obey

No ill of any man to say;

No, not a single word.

by Mary Ann Pietzker, published in 1872

Cause_Effect

People Saying What they Think

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I want too Hear.

Yep, men and women are so programmed and so familiarly adapted to saying what they think I want too hear.

 

Myself, I am more or the less a bold type. I usually don’t think before speaking; although I am improving on that and trying too put myself in the other’s shoes more often.

I am blunt and too the point and I have hurt many feelings.

Which also makes me think about men in relationships. They truly are in a cave most days and usually come out for food or sex. I have had several long term relationships. They got past the first few try-outs and ended up fairly long term in my eyes anyways.

(5-10 years)

Married twice.

When I hear of persons that have been together for over 20 years and beyond it truly baffles my mind.

Good for them.

The things a woman wants and needs are so different from a man’s needs.

First

Most women want a man who is first and foremost honest. If they are not it brings the dishonesty out in me and the games begin.

 

Second

They want compassion. Someone who listens, really listens and can honestly have input and understand your feelings and why you are ranting about it too start with.

 

Third

They want a great physical connection. Hold my head in your hands when you kiss me and brush my hair often.

Investigate my entire body not just the parts that work for you.

*GIVENS

Knows what a kitchen is for and uses it. Can make steak out of hamburger so too speak.

Knows the toilet seat goes down and is not afraid of the toilet brush.

Knows soiled clothes go in the laundry basket not the floor for the cat too pee on.

Doesn’t track dirt in after you have just scrubbed the floor with Mister Clean. Take the shoes off.

This Castle is a ZEN space.

Love and protect all my animals

Many may say Finance and Fortitude should be on this list but truly that is among the givens. Most of my life I have depended on few persons. They promise too do something and eventually it might be done.

Not too say it might be years later.

Please don’t say you’re going too do something on a specific day and then renign on that agreement.

I don’t do that and I expect the same.

(Emergencies Not Included)

I used too want three things in a man. As I have entered my Other Mode I still have the three listed above but with a different perspective.

Definition:

a particular attitude toward or way of regarding something; a point of view.

When you think about it they are actually and should be “Givens”

Listed here were my wants in a man earlier in my days

One Physical

A man that would love and cherish only me. Adventurous in and out of bed. Doing things spur of the moment. Verbally and physically complimentary. Tell me I look fantastic when I feel like crap. I may believe it. If I loved you I did what ever I could for you

Two Money

Too share our abundance in a equalized way if possible. Holidays, vacations, clothes, I wanted it all

They were well taken care of .

I was and still am a Goddess

Three  Intellectual

Able to discuss anything, not just sports, Oh no not Sports. I can honestly say all my men showed no interest in Sports on TV. They may have played outdoors but that was it.

No Football widow here now or ever.

Believe me they were “REAL MEN”

Everything Changes especially in regards to our perceptions.

Definition:

Insight, intuition, or knowledge gained by perceiving.

More on this subject

Jus Saying

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